Depression

Little known fact about me, I suffered hugely from post partum depression with Alex for approximately a year.  It was so bad that it continued for about 6 months of my pregnancy with Daniel.  And we're not talking baby blues here.  I was literally crying for every hour that I was awake and Pat wasn't here.  I would count the minutes until Pat got home so I could get a break and I'd call him at work, begging him to come home.

Alex was a difficult baby with non-stop colic for 4 months and he couldn't sleep unless he was being held upright which meant no sleep for me because when you tell a mom to sleep when the baby sleeps, you count on the baby sleeping alone.  In desperation, we finally did the biggest parental no no, put him to sleep on his stomach, despite his frail health.  Miraculously he slept through the night, but I still couldn't stop freaking out about SIDS because of the sleeping position.

Daniel's pregnancy was unplanned and took me by surprise.  I was so horrified over it, and scared about having another baby like Alex that I sunk even deeper into depression.  I would come home after dropping RIck off at school, put Alex in his crib, then start crying from deep within my gut until I'd vomit, then start again.  All I wanted to do was to sleep, but you can't do that with a toddler.  I would wrap myself around the heater on the floor in Alex's room and sleep when he napped and cry when he was awake.  I went to therapy, where the therapist tried to convince me that leaving Pat would be in my best interests. 

I finally snapped out of it, but I was never able to bounce back to where I was before the kids.  I miss the old me, but I'd never give up my kids.  They are what keep me moving from step to step during the day, and they are what define me as the new me.  And my life wouldn't be right without them.

Computers

Pat fixed up 3 new computers for Railroad Junction school, which Alex will quit attending on Friday.  He gave the newest one to Alex's kindergarten teacher, and 2 to the preschool area.  I'm taking the old preschool computer to the e-waste facility today.  There was no way it could be saved and Alex's school is better off with the new ones.I'm looking forward to getting it out of the living room.  I held onto it until Pat was able to get the refurbished ones in place.  Now that they're there, I can move on with my life and regain the ability to open the entry closet door again.

Contingency Plans

Alex has had speech issues for his entire life.  He had hearing problems in infancy, and he was severly tongue tied, something that had to be surgically corrected when he was almost 3 years old.  Right now, our theory about his speech problems is that he had a stroke due to his premature birth causing nerve damage.  We already know that he has weak muscles in the right side of his face based on tests that his ENT did.  Today Alex told me that he has a plan for when kids don't understand him.  He's going to carry around a piece of paper and write to them when they don't understand him because, as he puts it, everyone can understand letters.  I think I'll go and cry now.

Alone

Tomorrow I get to host a play date for Alex, with his good friend Nathan, and, for the first time, I won't have another mom present.  Part of me is looking forward to this, that way there's no struggle to keep conversation going while watching the kids, or needing to justify Daniel's odd behavior.  Still, I miss being able to talk to other mommies. 

And this also reminds me of how alone I feel lately.  Pat will be coming home early tomorrow and spending his time with Rick.  I have to force him to spend time with Alex and Daniel and I hate it.  He never volunteers to spend time with them.  Of course, he'll be with Rick tomorrow out of necessity.  Rick needs to go to Concord to get a form signed, but I offered him a ride there today and he declined.  Tomorrow Rick will tell Pat that I didn't offer him the ride, and that I'm interfering with him becoming an Eagle Scout.  Then, as Pat's greatest hope in life is for Rick to become an Eagle Scout, it will turn into Pat and Rick against me.  I'll be asked, "Why don't you want Rick to be an Eagle Scout.  Why do you hate him so much?  Why don't you ever do anything for him?"  I offered to drive him today.  Tomorrow I'll be busy with a playdate I scheduled Sunday night which is WHY I offered to drive him today, since I would be busy tomorrow.  But, nope, it'll be me trying to make trouble, not me holding to a commitment I already made.  It'll be me hating Rick and favoring Alex again.  oh well.

Uncle Ray

My uncle had heart valve replacement surgery, so cousins, this ones for you.

According to my grandmother, both sides of the family wanted Ray and Katherine to get together.  Finally, in my grandmother's opinion, God intervened.  Katherine's family's cabin was hit by a falling tree and someone was needed to repair the porch.  Naturally, Ray was called in.  He was already related through his brother's marriage to Norma, and he was a journeyman carpenter.

In Fresno, it's so hot in the summer that having a cabin in the mountains makes life almost bearable, being able to get out of the heat.  But the family wanted Ray and Katherine to get together so badly, that they toughed it out in sweltering Fresno just to let them be alone as Ray fixed the porch. 

They got to know each other, and were finally engaged during Thanksgiving week of 1959.  They were married between Christmas and New Years of that year.

Busy Days

Let's see, we started off today with a trip to the Walmart for diapers.  Then we went to the Home Depot to build picket fence planters at their kid clinics.  Finishing this, we headed to Lowes for their Build and Grow clinics, but, unbeknownst to me, we had left a leg of Daniel's planter in the Home Depot parking lot.  Daniel soon discovered this and got upset so I told him we'd go back and get a new one after the Lowes clinic.  At Lowes we build school house boxes.  Then we went back to Home Depot and found the leg in the parking lot.  We headed for the farmer's market in downtown Pittsburg.  Parking in front of Steel town coffee, we proceeded to the market to make head bands, get balloons, eat samples, and to buy two cauliflower.  I took the kids to the coffee place to get a pick me up for me, but then Alex's talking Alien balloon popped so we went back to the market for a new one.  We headed home by way of Jack in the Box.  Once home Pat said he wanted to go fishing tomorrow and needed some new castmasters.  Back we went to Wal Mart.  Then we came home to find my books had come into the library, hence a library trip.  Then Rick needed a ride back to jhis friend Jesse's house.  Then home again.  Thank goodness for my crock pot.  Dinner was mostly cooked.  In the evening, we took the kids to How To Train a Dragon at the Drive In, where Daniel fell asleep in the car and the rest of us, Pat, Alex, and Me watched the movie.  Then to home and soon, some sleep.

Down on the Farm

Mads Nielsen was a farmer and a dairyman.  In the morning he would milk his cows then go to the Danish Creamery dairy in Fresno for his day job.  Then he'd come home in the night and repeat.  If he didn't have the money for gas, he would have to ride his bicycle.  He relied on an old wind up alarm clock to get him up on time.  One time when my grandfather, Donald Nielsen, was little, he disassembled the alarm clock to see how it ran.  They couldn't afford to replace it and had to guess at the time so Mads could get to work on time. 

Dinner couldn't be held until after the cows were milked.  One Thanksgiving, your great great grandmother, Marie Laugesen Nielsen, was late coming into dinner.  When the family went to check on her out in the barn they found that a cow had stepped on her and she couldn't push her off, leaving her trapped.

I've been working on the railroad

James Knight Rogers, my great grandfather, was a conductor brakeman on the railroad.  He worked out of the CALWA railyards, which was also where he lived, so he was often able to go home every night.  Often, when a train went onto a siding, the engineer and brakeman had to wait for a switchman to come out to the yards to uncouple the train.  Given that this could take a while, and James was anxious to go home, very often he would uncouple the train himself.  While he was perfectly capable of the work, it was against union rules.  When he was eventually found out, he was told he would have to file paperwork to collect all the back pay.  He didn't want the back pay, but it was union rules.  He gave the paperwork to my grandmother, Billee Rogers, to fill out, promising her the money just to get the paperwork done and out of what little hair he had.

The Formica Table

In December1947,  my grandmother moved home to Fresno where she and my grandfather bought their first home together on East Iowa St.  Being that this was still shortly after WWII, and with all the GI's coming home and setting up housekeeping, household good were in short supply.  My grandmother had her heart set on getting a formica table for her dining room.  She went to a Jewish store in Fresno somewhere where they actually had one in stock.  My grandmother was quoted an outrageously high price, but she was so happy to have found one that she gladly paid it.  The storekeeper delivered the table the same day.  Billee later realized that, since the shop keeper was Jewish, she was supposed to bargain with him which was why she was quoted such a high price to begin with, and why the shop keeper delivered it for her for free.  The table came with them to their final home in Concord.  It was given to my aunt and uncle in 1968 when they married.  Then, when they no longer wanted the table when they moved in 1972 Billee took it back and gave it to my parents who kept it until Pat threw it away finally in 2001. 

Alex is growing up

Today he lost his first tooth, his bottom, center right one.  It's been lose since Saturday.  He couldn't stop wiggling it today.  This evening I took him into the bathroom to have a look at it, then I asked him if he wanted me to pull it.  He kept wanting to know if it would bleed, and I said it would a little.  He didn't want me to pull it, but he asked me how to do it.  I explained, then after he hemmed and hawed over it a bit, out it came.  It was the first tooth he got, so it makes sense that it was the first tooth he naturally lost.

Improvements

Pat likes to change things around the house.  Right now, he is putting new legs on our futon to raise the height of the futon by about 6 inches.  This will allow us to put the bins from our old train table under it to store more of the kids toys.

Same Old Same Old

I know I don't have much of a life, but since no one reads this but me, who cares!  Today I sharpened pencils at Alex's school, for an hour.  Hey, they had a big box of color pencils that were all broken.  It's useful work all the same.  Then I picked up Daniel and took him to WalMart to get Diapers and Avatar.  We also got 3 new cars toys, Tex Dinoco, the Dinoco Chick Hicks, and Antonio who's a white car who shows up in Radiator Springs at the very end of the movie.  This evening I talked to Marie for over an hour about many shocking things, then I put the kids to bed.  End of story, end of day.

Daniel's Nickname

Around here we call Daniel "The Bun"  Here's why.  When he was around 5 months old and growing fast I started calling him Daniel Bunyan after the folklore human.  This was shortened to Bunyan, then Bunny, finally becoming Bun, or The Bun.  Occassionally he's called Bunner.

Story Time Today

Wednesday's are story time around here.  Alex goes with Miss Tracie and his kindergarden class.  Usually I show up at Alex's school around 10 in the morning when Alex's class is still having snack.  We get the kids lined up then walk them up to the front of the school, grabbing their car seats in the process.  Then they get in the school van and Miss Tracie and I buckle them in.  The library's old road has reopened so it's a lot faster to get there now, before we had to go around a very large block to get to it. 

When we got there it was raining.  All the kids got out of the van in a hurry, with the exception of one who decided to take her sweet time.  Miss Tracie took the rest of the kids while I took the other girl once she got out of the van.  The branch librarian was running the story time today, as opposed to the children's librarian who normally does.  This was good as we all prefer her.

Doctor's Visit Today

I had an appointment with Dr. Jaffin in Antioch today for my shoulder.  Apparently, I am doing just fine.  Shoulder surgery apparently just hurts like bloody hell no matter what.  I still tend to panic.  While I can stay reasonably calm for the first hour or so after an appointment, I rapidly manage to get back to my state of controlled panic which is the norm for me when all is NOT well in my world.  So, the second I have a question, or something scares me about the recovery process, I will panic again.

As usual, I took the kids to school today.  Alex first to Railroad Junction, then Daniel to MLK.  Mr. U's car followed me in the gate.  When I took Daniel to the bus, he told me, "get out of the cold mom" for which I was grateful.  The cold causes me to stiffen up and makes my shoulder hurt more.  I hung out at Pat's house, cleaning up and so forth, until 10 when I went to help out at Alex's school.  There I filed, took down a bulletin board, and cut out stuff for the craft project of the day.

In the afternoon, I took the kids to the library to pick up book six of the Ranger's Apprentice series on CD for Pat.  I imported it into I-Tunes, then returned it to the library in the evening when some other stuff I had requested came in.  Pat came with me this time and picked out some books from the stacks.  Then we came home so I could put the kids to bed and Pat could take Rick to the gym.

It's Monday

which means that Pat has the day off.  We took the kids to school, then went to Starbucks.  Pat told me he didn't want to do anything today, joy.  He doesn't understand how difficult it is for me to go out and do stuff with my shoulder hurting so badly but I agreed.  We're both getting over pneumonia right now, and he probably needed a break so he spent the morning playing hearts and spades.  We got Daniel, and then he went back to his card game.  I picked up Alex so he wouldn't have to interrupt his card game.  He said he edited some pictures.  We went to ACE after Rick came back to get some tomato cages, and Pat cleaned up my Dad's old table saw.  Then I cooked dinner while Pat took Rick to the gym.  In the evening we went back to ACE to pick up some mushroom yard art we saw there earlier to add to Pat's backyard phallic temple then to Walgreens to get Rick some deodorant.  We went to Starbucks and then came home to find that Butch had called.  Pat talked with Butch a while, apparently he really liked the Orson Scott Card Empire novel I had gotten for him.  I asked Pat about basically getting every thing he ever wrote and he agreed so I started hunting down more of Card's work while I put the kids to bed.  Pat has returned to his card games.  I hate those games.

Today

Let's see, today the kids got up at 6:10 am.  I'm still sleeping in the living room so naturally they woke us up when they turned on the computer.  I got up and turned the volume down, but naturally I was up for the day, though I dozed in the chair for about an hour more.  I got up and gor some pain med from Pat.  We wanted to take the kids out somewhere to get their energy out, but neither of us felt like it since we're both still recovering from pneumonia. Finally, we marshalled ourselves to go to the grocery store.  When we came back I cleaned for a while while Pat played cards.  Then he worked for a while on the tent to go over Alex's top bunk.  Rick called to tell us to pick him up from Boy Scouts around 12:00 then we came home again.  I cleaned, Pat worked on the tent.  He finished it, then tried to call my mother so we could go out tonight.  When she didn;t call back, we left Rick with the kids so we could go out, then we checked on her.  She was fine, but her home phone was not receiing calls from Pittsburg.  We went over to Todos Santos plaza for the evening,  Pat and I had hot dogs at the Hot Dog Palace.  Then we went to Half Price Books, my favorite store in the world.  We bought some DVD's and I got a new book, George Takei's To The Stars.  At this point I was in a LOT of pain so we went to Starbucks and came home.

Notes on Today

Today was a Lowes day for the kids so we went there at about 9:30 to build planters.  The planters were okay, but Daniel spilled his dirt twice, and Alex once before we even left the parking lot.  We also had to make a stop at the library to pick up some new audio books for Pat.  They were having their book sale today and I bought a couple of computer games for the kids, one of which didn't work, and a few books - The Magic School Bus and Electricity, Ernies Neighborhood, and Sonic the Hedgehog.  We got french fries, then headed home for the afternoon.  We had tuna steaks for dinner as Pat loves his fish.

More on Mini-Me

Alex wasn't a well baby.  Around 10 a.m. on the morning he was born, we asked the nurses to take him for a little while so I could sleep.  When I saw him again, he was on IV's, oxygen, blood and heart monitors.  The doctor had discovered a heart murmur and he had tachypnea.  He couldn't keep his oxygen levels up and in just a few hours he had turned orange as an oompa loompa.  Already they were talking about sending him to Alta Bates for more health care.  The decision was finally made the next day when he had gotten sicker, though they had managed to start weaning him off the oxygen.

An ambulance was sent to get him.  There were 2 nurses, 2 paramedics and a driver.  They transferred him to a big isolate and wheeled him over to the elevators.  Pat wheeled me along with him.  When the elevator doors shut, he said "Good bye Alex" and I broke into tears. 

Pat followed him over there that night, while I tried to get my milk flowing using a pump.  When he came back he told me Alex was in the level 3 nursery and was being taken care of.

Once I was release, the next day, I was determined to go see him.  At the NICU ward, they has a magnet board with teddy bear magnets on it, each with the last name of the babies.  Alex had been moved to another ward.  He was on bilirubin lights and had a feeding tube placed.  I was so scared for him  He had lost so much weight, that he didn't even look like the baby I had delivered.

Alex had a long, expensive NICU stay.  Amongst other things, they kept drawing so much blood from him, that he nearly had to have blood transfusions. 

The day we brought him home we were required to spend the night before there.  They had a tiny little room that was even too hot for me to sleep in.  We found a fan and opened the windows, but the hospital was in downtown Berkeley and very noisy.  It turned out that, with the rush of getting him stabilized in the NICU, that the doctors had forgotten to do a hearing test which had to be rushed through on the way out of the door.

Just One Word

Hair – tangled


Your Mother – annoying

Your Father – deceased

Fav Food – chocolate

Dream Last Night – uncertain

Fav Drink – coke

What room are you in? – nursery

Hobby – books

Fear – alone

Where were you last night? – recliner

Something that you aren’t – happy

Muffins – chocolate

Wish List Item – health

Where you grew up – Pittsburg

What you are wearing –shirt

Your Pet – chinchilla

Friends – teachers

Something you’re not wearing – shoes

Fav Store – book

Fav Color – blue

Last time you laughed – afternoon

Your Best Friend – myself

Best Place you go over and over – Starbucks

Person who you email regularly – friend

Fav Place to Eat – milano

Alex's birthday

I knew from almost the start of my pregnancy with Alex that he was going to be early. We lost his twin early on, and they told us that we had a 30% chance of him not making it, 30% chance of being a preemie, and 30% chance of everything being okay. Alex came early.

I saw Dr. Dan on the Monday before he was born for a routine check up. He told me that, at that point, if I went into labor, he wouldn't try to stop it. At this point I was also to start seeing him every week. I tehn went to work. The next day I started to lose my mucus plug and on Thursday I knew I was in labor. I went to get my lunch and I felt contractions start. I called Pat on the phone to have him start timing them. I was bummed out as I thought I'd miss my baby shower the next day at work.

I went home from work, stopping at the Ace Hardware on Ygnacio Valley Road to get some screws to repair the mirror we were putting in Alex's bedroom. I got Rick, then we picked up a pizza. Meanwhile, Pat and Chris had taken Pupper, my dog, to the vet to find out what was wrong with him. They decided to run tests on him. Around midnight I knew I had to go to the hospital. When they put the monitors on me, they told me I was in labor. I got to walk around the ward for an hour, and when we had no progression, they gave me a pill and sent me home to sleep.

The following morning went just about the same, so I decided to go to my office shower, and to collect my final pay check. I said good bye to Rick, my boss of 5 years and we went to my mother's house. Pat took a limb off her maple tree while I lay on the couch in the living room. They took pupper down to get his test results and decided to have him put down. Then we went to Sears to buy a preemie outfit for Alex.

When we went to the hospital for the third time, I was ready to cry when they sent me home. Contractions were 5 minutes apart with still no progression. Around 12:30 that night I woke with a start. I felt my water start to balloon out and I barely made it into the bathroom. I screamed for Pat. We got into bed together and the first big contractions hit. I didn't know how big they could be. We headed for the hospital where they could no longer turn me away.

I tried to labor in the shower but Alex was sunny side up and I had bad back labor. After several bouts of nausea I finally agreed to the epidural around3 in the morning, only after demanding a c-section NOW. The nurse laughed at my demands. I managed to rest until about 5
+ when it was time to push. I was given an oxygen mask because my O2 levels were really low. It took about an hour to get him out. He was given oxygen and then passed to me. He barely weighed 5 pounds.

Pat's shoulder surgery

When Pat had shoulder surgery, we had HealthNet HMO insurance and we did it differently. We had to go to Dr. Enrique and get x-rays. Then he gave us the referral to Dr. Jaffin. When we were there the 2nd time to get the referral, Alex took his first steps between Dr. Enrique's waiting room table and chairs.

Dr. JAffin requested an MRI, but told Pat that he had a torn rotator cuff. The day Pat had the MRI scheduled, I dropped him off at Antioch Medical Imaging. He told me to go home, but I was really glad I stayed. The doctor who injected him with the dye couldn't find the right space to inject it into and it took several tries. Then, he had to lay flat on his back in the tube causing him to have breathing problems so I was really glad he didn't have to wait to be picked up.

Pat's surgery was scheduled for May 5th, 2005, in the afternoon. Pat was really grumpy by the time surgery time came because he was ravenous. We had sex shortly before we left, then he showered and we took off. I got to see him in the pre op ward, then they took him back. Before surgery, Dr. Jaffin came to see me in the waiting room and told me that Pat could have 2 percocet every 4 hours instead of one. I walked with Alex around the waiting room for a while, then the nurse came and told me Pat was in surgery. I went to half price books and got the Chamber of Secrets book that I had loaned Rick, then went to Starbucks. I took Alex to my Mom's house and went back to the surgicenter where Pat had finally finished.

When I got there he had a nurse and anesthetist around him. Apparently his heart rate was very slow due to some muscle relaxants he had been given right before his surgery was finished. The doctor gave him something to counter this, then they sent him home. Oddly enough, he was wheeled out by an old high school classmate of mine.

I got him home and managed to get him into his blue chair. He was more alert than I was and wanted a strawberry milkshake so I got him one at Baskin's on my way to pick up Alex.

Dr. Jaffin called in the evening to see how Pat was doing, and to remind him to start lifting his arm over his head to keep scar tissue from building up. He did it one time and about collapsed. He went into shock. I had to get my mother over to PAt's house to watch Alex while I got Pat to the emergency room.

At the ER I went in and the people there brought him in on a gurney. He was taken right back, and was indeed in shock. They started him on an IV and discovered that his heart was only beating at 60 beats per minute. I gave them the details of what had transpired, they couldn't believe that the doctor requested him to move his arm so soon after surgery. When he was stabilized, they sent him home again, much to my surprise. I slept on the Papa San chair cushion on the floor for quite a few nights til I was certain he wouldn't need me at night.

Shoulder Surgery

Let me tell you about it. On March 16 I called Dr. Jaffin's office and gave them my insurance information. Lavonna, the insurance person, asked if I was ready to schedule and I said I was. She said she'd call back later that afternoon. I took Alex to his pediatrician that afternoon and when I got back she had called. I called back and we scheduled the surgery for the following Monday, the 22nd of March with a pre op set for the next day.

I went to the pre op and they did all the usual stuff, blood pressure, ears nose throat. I asked Dr. JAffin if I needed the surgery and he made me do that test where he'd put his hands over mine and made me push up. There was a marked weakness in my right hand where I could barely move it when he applied downward pressure. It was a matter of do it now or later, but it was going to have to be done.

I was given forms for blood work to be done but when I got to the lab, I found out that it had to be a fasting test, so I had to come back the next morning. Of course this panicked me because I wanted to be certain the surgicenter would get the results, but it all worked out.

The Saturday before, Pat, who had been sick, ended up in the urgent care clinic with bronchitis. He had to take antibiotics for 5 days and was sick for close to 2 weeks.

Of course I was panicking for the next few days and weekend and of course I kept dwelling on it. The night before we bought a new camera. I wanted this so that we could take pictures of what was going on with me. I quit eating that night at about 7:30 though I didn't have to until midnight.

Dr. David Shapiro called the night before to go over the procedure and see if I had any questions. I wanted to cry when he told me about the nerve block where they would insert needles into my neck to numb my arm for the next 18 hours.

I didn't sleep well that night, and kept waking up. Finally, at 3:30, I was up for good. Pat woke up at 5:30 so we could leave at 6 as I had to be there at 6:30. We left and got there in plenty of time. As I was signing in, in walked Dr. Shapiro and it finally seemed so real, that I was going to have surgery.

In the preop ward, I had to undress to my underwear and put on a gown. Then they gave me heated blankets and put the IV in. I made Pat hold my hand for this, but he didn't want to. They had something call a bear care device that could pump warm air under the blankets, but I didn't use it. Then the surgery nurse, Pat, came over and introduced herself. She put a bracelet on my right arm with my penicillin allergy on it and marked my right arm for surgery. I asked how they'd keep me on the operating table and she said they had belts and things for that. Then Dr. Shapiro came over and gave me something to relax.

Dr. Jaffin showed up in green surgical scrubs, and a red hat. He asked what arm was I having surgery on. Then He asked me what was on my right arm. I said my allergy bracelet. He asked me why was it there, and I told him what Pat had said, there wasn't room on my other arm. He said it had to come off to prep my arm. He went to one nurse, who said I wasn't his patient, then he addressed someone else who happened to be a doctor. I don't know what happened, but it was off when I woke up and my arm was covered to orange sticky stuff. Pat. my husband, said the nurses did it because Dr. JAffin was raising such a fuss over a bracelet that was nowhere near my shoulder

He then said they'd be waiting for me in the back, and I was given a wheelchair ride back to the operating room after I'd told Pat that it looks like here's our parting of the ways. Everything was very yellow, and I remarked that it looked like a closet. They said it was better to have everything where they needed it instead of having to go looking for it. I got onto the operating table and they told me I had to scoot up about a foot. I was given a mask to put over my face, then I barely remember my arm jumping around as they did the nerve block. At some point I was totally knocked out with the tube down my throat, etc.

When I woke up, they were wheeling me into the post op. I was covered in blankets and they were trying to fit oxyden tubes in my nose. I remember asking for Pat, but I couldn't get the "T" sound out, so they wanted to know if I was saying pain. Fortunately, a nurse realized that I was asking for my husband, and one nurse told the other that my husband was just pulling into the parking garage. The first thing Pat said to me was it looked like the 80's were back in style at I had a giant shoulder pad. I wish Pat could have gotten a picture, the bandage was at least 3 inches thick. In post op, Pat said I kept asking the same 4 questions, what happened, where am I, was my rotator cuff torn, and how long was I out. Then I'd sort of pass out, he'd say boink, and a few minutes later it'd start all over again. I kept feeling like I was going to throw up and they gave me medicine both by IV and by an old fashioned shot to help that. The shot did the truck. At some point they needed my gurney and got me dressed and transferred to chair to wake up. Pat said he needed to go get Daniel and I needed to wake up so he could bring me home, but the nurse said that wasn't necessary. They put me in a wheel chair and took me down to the garage. Pat had to move the Rav so I could get in it. He had brought a pillow for my arm and an ice pack.

When we got back to his house I still wasn't awake and he had to carry me into the house. I remember being carried and telling myself where I was, but I couldn't articulate it, but I thought, OK, were gong by the junipers, now we're going by the door, but I couldn't say anything. He put me in the green chair where I slept for the rest of the day, and for the most of Tuesday.