Alone

Tomorrow I get to host a play date for Alex, with his good friend Nathan, and, for the first time, I won't have another mom present.  Part of me is looking forward to this, that way there's no struggle to keep conversation going while watching the kids, or needing to justify Daniel's odd behavior.  Still, I miss being able to talk to other mommies. 

And this also reminds me of how alone I feel lately.  Pat will be coming home early tomorrow and spending his time with Rick.  I have to force him to spend time with Alex and Daniel and I hate it.  He never volunteers to spend time with them.  Of course, he'll be with Rick tomorrow out of necessity.  Rick needs to go to Concord to get a form signed, but I offered him a ride there today and he declined.  Tomorrow Rick will tell Pat that I didn't offer him the ride, and that I'm interfering with him becoming an Eagle Scout.  Then, as Pat's greatest hope in life is for Rick to become an Eagle Scout, it will turn into Pat and Rick against me.  I'll be asked, "Why don't you want Rick to be an Eagle Scout.  Why do you hate him so much?  Why don't you ever do anything for him?"  I offered to drive him today.  Tomorrow I'll be busy with a playdate I scheduled Sunday night which is WHY I offered to drive him today, since I would be busy tomorrow.  But, nope, it'll be me trying to make trouble, not me holding to a commitment I already made.  It'll be me hating Rick and favoring Alex again.  oh well.